JJ Hawkins
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America's Next Top Model: And the Winner Is... (season finale)
(S10E13) The above screencap is the photographic equivalent of a horizontal suck sandwich.
Okay, that's not entirely accurate. The photos of Whitney and Anya are perfectly fine, but my hatred for the individual in the center pretty much taints the picture for me.
And in a broader sense, that's been the overarching flaw with cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model.
Continue reading America's Next Top Model: And the Winner Is... (season finale)
America's Next Top Model: Ready for My Close-Up
(S10E12) This cycle of America's Top Model has made me want to start up a debilitating heroin addiction.
Week after week my favorites have flown out the door starting with the "excitable" Amis and ending with that travesty of an episode two weeks ago when the distractingly beautiful Kataryzna was yanked for "too being vapid." My words, not theirs.
I can't seem to figure out what the hell the judges are looking for this go around, but I sure can tell you what they got. Want to hear it? Here it goes.
Continue reading America's Next Top Model: Ready for My Close-Up
America's Next Top Model: Viva Italia!
(S10E10) I accidentally went through last weeks entire recap without a single mention of Lauren going straight Ginsu on her thumb.
I figured I shouldn't make the same mistake two weeks in a row so decided to intro with Anya's faceplant on a brick street..
We heard the requisite record play scratch immediately after she fell. We got Anya's diary room explanation of how it went down (literally). And we got to watch one girl out of five turn around and help Anya pry her mandible from the ground.
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America's Next Top Model: For Those About to Walk, We Salute You
(S10E09) Now, I don't want to come off as too harsh or insensitive, but if Dominique is the first thing I see when an episode of America's Next Top Model begins, I usually do a double take to make sure I didn't accidentally hit play on my Gremlins 2 DVD.
Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I say Dominique's eyes be holding no beauty.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I say Domique's windows have vacancy signs tacked on the panes.
Some say an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I say, I would gladly gouge out both of my eyes with a worn tooth if I have to look at her just a week longer.
Continue reading America's Next Top Model: For Those About to Walk, We Salute You
America's Next Top Model: If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere
(S10E07) I cracked open my laptop and stared blankly at the screen for a good 30 minutes trying to muster up the will to write four to five paragraphs that ranted and raved about how much I love Fatimanique.
Nothing came to me, so I cracked open a bible hoping that the good book would remove the hate from my heart, and grant me the ability to look past their demonic facades and love them like normal human beings should be loved.
It didn't work, so I cracked open a Stella Artois hoping that some Belgium malt liquor would provide me with the liquid strength necessary to force my mind into pretending I gave a crap about these two medieval gargoyles.
Continue reading America's Next Top Model: If You Can't Make It Here, You Can't Make It Anywhere
America's Next Top Model: House of Pain
(S10E06) To be perfectly honest, I haven't paid a whole lot of attention to Aimee this season.
I mean look at her in the capture above. The waterfall or the buildings behind her have just as good a chance at capturing your attention as she does.
She's pretty nondescript to say the least and while she's a pretty girl and everything, she just hadn't done very much to stand out this season aside from profess her anxiety of being naked around other women. I'm not ashamed to admit I find that to be a turn-off.
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America's Next Top Model: Top Model Takes It to the Streets
(S10E05) We're down to 10 girls on this cycle of America's Next Top Model, and my strategy to root for the models I least want to win is in full effect.
I'm currently supporting Dominique and Fatima with the hopes that they make it to the final two and I have to admit it's really painful having to do this.
I cringe every time I hear Dominique refer to herself in the third person. I gag every time Fatima talks about how ghetto or stupid another girl is. I cringe and gag having any positive thoughts about them, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the models I really want to win.
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Big Brother 9: PoV Competition #5
(S09E16) It's day 36 in the Big Brother 9 house and all is copasetic between Matt and Natalie. Matt's gone so far as to say that he'd sacrifice himself later in the game if it came down to him or Natalie getting evicted from the house.
Personally, I find Mattie's character completely suspect. His eyes are about half-inch too far apart and he's just got that future-criminal-in-the-making shine about him. Yup, I'm willing to bet that if it came down to him and Natalie in the final two he'd hang her out to dry faster than a freshly washed fitted sheet before clothes dryers became a staple in American households.
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America's Next Top Model: Where's the Beef?
(S10E04) I have a confession to make. I've developed a bit of a crush on Amis.
It's not the psychotic plant-a-GPS-transponder-on-her-car-and-stalk-her crush that you might see on an episode of Dateline or anything. I've simply grown fond of her goofy personality.She's got a real every-girl appeal about her and she's not the typical kind of model that you see coming on this show. I find her pretty refreshing. If Amis were to read this, I'm sure she'd find what I wrote slightly disturbing.
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Big Brother 9: PoV Competition #4
(S09E13) Take a look at this face ladies and gentlemen, because it was the catalyst for all the madness that went down in the house tonight.
The funny thing is, she didn't plan any of it. She has no real strategy in this game. She doesn't think more than ten minutes into the future as far posturing goes. And she thinks there are 27 letters in the alphabet. Enough said. Natalie is playing this game with love goggles on and, for better or worse, her undying obsession with Mattie has caused the biggest commotion in the Big Brother 9 house all season and I'm elated.
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